On Love

I am 1 today!

I have been contemplating what to share about Maceo's birthday for the better part of the day. Not because there are any secrets, but because I feel so overwhelmed by the intense emotions that his 365th day brought on.

I had been dragging my feet a bit when Craig suggested throwing a party for him - I mean, really...does a 1 year old need a birthday party? But I'm now grateful that he had us mark the occasion with friends and family as it gave me the chance to step back and really think about the past year. It has been such a humbling journey, and already a great chance to preview the parts of parenthood I am really going to suck at...coping with big sticky food messes: toddler GRIME, watching charming wooden toys used as destructive ramrods: ACTIVE boy children, redirecting undesirable activities (gentle touching, no picking your nose, don't touch that...) 1,000 times a day: PATIENCE.

But more than anything - and really, truly anything - I am struck by how much I love Maceo. When Craig and I hear him stirring in the morning, one person gets the milk ready and the other goes to get him out of the crib and change his diaper. I did not realize until now that we have developed an unspoken "every-other" routine. One day Craig gets to greet Maceo, the other day it is my turn. And I know without asking Craig that each of us harbors a tiny bit of jealousy when we are stuck with milk duty and the other gets to be the first to enter his bedroom. Because there is still a physical feeling of excitement about getting to see his sweet puffy face in the morning, offering him his first kiss, inhaling his hot-sweet-smelly breath, and feeling his tender cheek pressed to yours as he wakes up in your arms. I never could have imagined what it would feel like to love something this much (despite the zillion times my mom tried to explain it to me). And so I will stop here.

The photos in the subsequent posts document a very fun afternoon of jubilation. While I am quite sure Maceo did not understand what was going on, he did revel in the chance to eat the entire cupcake (more sugar than he has ever ingested in his life) and seemed unfazed when he threw-up a portion of it 15 minutes later. And after a pragmatic wet-wipe to the carpet without a classic "dirty house" panic, even I realized that I had passed my own mommy-milestone. Happy Birthday Maceo.